Wealth Care Reform

Wealth Care Reform

Jean Biergarten

The Washington Pest

Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Democrats revealed a health-care reform bill Thursday that includes a government insurance option, as well as a historic expansion of Medicaid. Speaker Nancy Pelosi stated, "Today we are about to deliver on the promise of making affordable, quality health care available for all Americans." She added that the bill "opens the doors to quality medical care for those who were shut out of the system for far too long." Republicans complained that the bill was a government attempt to take over health care.

In an attempt to get an objective, or at least an objecting, point of view, your reported contacted Sen. Jim VarMint of Mouth Carolina.

JB: Senator VarMint, have you read the latest Health Care Reform bill from the democrats?

JVM: No.

JB: Oh. I was hoping to get your reaction to it...

JVM: Why didn't you say so? I don't need to read a democrat bill before reacting to it. I react to all things democratic. I am a solid southern reactionary.

JB: But – if you don't read the bill, how can you debate it in the Senate?

JVM: You sound like a democrat.

JB: I mean, don't you want to persuade your fellow senators to join you in opposition to the bill?

JVM: I have found that no one listens. My role in the Senate is to come up with the right ideas and t ake them directly to the American people.

JB: What is the basis of your opposition to the bill?

JVM: I will go after the democrats and shame the republicans.

JB: You are quite effective.

JVM: Thank you. I think so.

JB: I mean, the republicans are ashamed – of you.

JVM: You sound worse – you sound like a liberal.

JB: But what will you tell the other republican senators about health care reform?

JVM: Any republican who votes for that bill doesn't belong here. People who vote for it have no clue.

JB: What about Speaker Pelosi's statement that this bill provides medical care to people who were formerly shut out of the system?

JVM: She must be talking about 'cans.

JB: Cans? No, she was talking about American people.

JVM: Watch it, buddy! Pelosi was only talking about Africans, Mexican, Puerto Ricans...may be White Trashicans...

JB: ?????

JVM: These people don't contribute to my campaign, they don't belong to my party, what do I care about them?

JB: So you want health care only for your own supporters and contributors? And to hell with the rest of the American people?

JVM: If we can stop this bill, it will break Obama.

JB: That's your motivation? To break the President, no matter what it does to the poor people in your own state?

JVM: You sound like a 'Can.

JB: How far are you willing to go, to “break” Obama? Will you lie to the American people?

JVM: I am a “con” – a conservative. Some of us are Neocons, some are Paleocons, some are even Pithecanthropus Erectocons. But we're all con men.

JB: No doubt about it!

JVM: Watch it, Biergarten! Like any red blooded, red state Richbuttlican politician, I will do what I c an to protect my supporters from Health Care Reform that becomes an adverse Wealth Care Reform for their incomes. If you don't understand that, may be you should get reassigned to the Sports Section.

Jean Biergarten can be reached at biergarten@pestwash.com