A Cool Scientist

A Cool Scientist

Jean Biergarten

Washington Pest

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

At a recent hearing of the Senate Environment Committee on Global Warming, Sen. Imhofe was informed that a prominent climate scientist warns 'We should fear a deep temperature drop -- not catastrophic global warming.'

The senator did not name the scientist in question but your enterprising reporter managed to unearth and question Dr. Borat Borscht. Excerpts from the interview follow. The full text can be found at www.pestwash.com/acoolscientist.htm

JB: Dr. Borscht, what are your credentials?

BB: I am the Head of Department of Primatology and Climatology at University of South Boragrad, Republic of Upsetistan.

JB: Primates and climates, in one department? Isn't that unusual?

BB: Unusual but smart, eh? People say climate influenced primate evolution and now, some people think primates influence our climate.

JB: You mean, you don't think we humans influence the earth's climate?

BB: Only some of us. Pamela Anderson causes heat wave when she walks into room; but not you.

JB: Neither do you.

BB: Hmmmm..To let you speak is like to let a monkey download software – no use!

JB: Hmmmm...Getting back on track, don't you think human activities are responsible for global warming?

BB: In Upsetistan, we believe “Think globally, but warm locally.”

JB: ??????

BB: Don't understand? You Americans don't learn science or math...I will make it clear to meanest intelligence – yours.

JB: Say what?

BB: I am saying, human activities burn carbon, particles go up in atmosphere, reflect sun- light and sun-heat back into space. Earth NOT produce heat, only get heat from sun. So, humans burning carbon only COOL the earth, not heat it. Worry about big temperature drop, not global warming.

JB: What about all the scientists that tell us we need to stop burning carbon if we have any h ope of reversing global warming?

BB: Their IQ's hang like sleeve of wizard's robe.

JB: That's it? That's your scientific response to global warming?

BB: Hey, watchit! If globe warms, I will be execute.

JB: Who's going to execute you for admitting global warming is real?

BB: Dimhofe supporter big carbon burning American company with big carbon burning factory in Upsetistan. You threaten Richbuttlican profits, they execute you.

JB: Richbutllican – you mean the Republican supporters will have you executed if you t threaten their profits? Are you serious?

BB: Think Icky Dick Haliburton.....I go now, bang bang!

JB: Thank you for explaining the intellectual foundations of the skepticism about global warming.

Jean Biergarten can be reached at biergarten@pestwash.com