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McCain Supporter Ridicules Obama
By Michael D. Shear
Washington Post Staff Writer Wednesday, February 27, 2008; Page A06
CINCINNATI, Feb. 26 -- A supporter of Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) ridiculed Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.) in an introductory speech at a McCain rally here this morning, repeatedly using Obama's middle name, Hussein, and deriding him as a terrorist sympathizer.
I could not believe what I was reading. Sen. McCain is an honorable man, isn’t he? And, certainly, he is too swift to employ the Swift Boat Scheisskopfen.
But then – the alleged miscreant was identified as a conservative radio talk-show host. Ah, that explains it. A colleague of Lush Dimbaugh; nothing they say can be taken seriously, unless it is independently corroborated and notarized. After all, there are liars, damned liars and conservative radio talk-show hosts.
Still, just to get matters clarified, I got in touch with the speaker in question, and questioned him. Bill Cunnilingus came on the line after a few rings.
BC: Yeah?
EO: Bill, this is Edwin Oldman, from the Washington Pest. How are you today?
BC: What’s it to you?
EO: You sound upset; good.
BC: What?
EO: Never mind. Did you repeatedly refer to Senator Barack Obama as Barack Hussein Obama?
BC: Sure, I did. What of it?
EO: Why?
BC: Hell, there’s not much I can say to discredit him. He turns out to be a moderate and a pragmatist, not too different from McCain.
EO: So you wanted to discredit Sen. Obama by using his middle name? Were you implying that an Arabic name is synonymous with terrorism?
BC: Syn…hey, wait a minute; using them two dollar words is a sin all right. But you don’t understand, do you?
EO: Understand what?
BC: To be foreign is worse – make that much worse – than being a terrorist. Look at how much people talk about Osama and Al Qaeda; do you hear anyone talking about the Unabomber, or Timothy McVeigh?
EO: What do you mean?
BC: Look, you liberal nitwit, it don’t matter how bad a company is – like Enron or Exxon or Halliburton – nobody minds them doing business in the US of A. But if a company is foreign – like Dubai Ports World – nobody wants them here; and we don’t even care if they’re good, bad or indifferent.
EO: But Senator Obama is not foreign; he is 100% American.
BC: What do you mean? He’s a skinny black guy with a funny name who has lived in other countries.
EO: So what? Lush Dimbaugh is a fat white guy who should go live in some other country….
BC: Watch it, mister. You lobbies need to understand it is all tied up with 1925.
EO: 1925?
BC: The year of the Scopes trial.
EO: What of it?
BC: That was a very BIG year. You might call it a portal year.
EO: A portal --? You mean, a pivotal. Year?
BC: Whatever. But before 1925 and after 1925 makes a big difference.
EO: How do you mean?
BC: We need only science that was known in 1925, nothing that came in after that.
EO: How about technology?
BC: Oh, technology is all right.
EO: But you need science if you want technology.
BC: No, science evolves; but technology is a special creation. Just pray and you’ll get it. If you don’t know how to pray, ask Rev. Huggable; he’ll teach you.
EO: Anything else special about 1925?
BC: Illegal immigrants who came here before 1925 were all respectable and acceptable; immigrants who came after 1925, whether legal or illegal, are all despicable.
EO: Why so?
BC: Because it was a portal year.
EO: I don’t follow you.
BC: That means you are a liberal. Be careful. John Asscroft is watching you.
Showing posts with label Election 2008. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Election 2008. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Mardi Grand
Mardi Grand
The day after Governor Meter Omni (All Things to All People, According to the Applause Meter) announced his withdrawal from contention for the Richbuttlican presidential nomination, your correspondent caught up with him. Actually, your correspondent ran into the former Governor at a Boston fish market.
Correspondent: “Fancy meeting you here, Governor!”
Omni: “Edwin Oldman! What brings you here, strictly speaking?”
C: “I came to get Scrod.”
O: “Ah, I know all about it. I got scrod last Tuesday.”
C: “You did?”
O: “Ha ha. I was talking about my disappointing showing on Mardi Grand.”
C: “Mardi Grand? Oh, Super Tuesday? Governor, I believe the French just call it Super Mardi”.
O: “Shows how little they know.”
C: “So, Governor, what are your plans now that you’re out of the running?”
O: “Well, Ed, you know I am a conservative. So, right now, I am working on conserving – what’s left of my capital. We have a free market and a free press, but darn it – our campaigns are far from free. I had to pay through the nose.”
C: “I mean, what are your plans until 2012?”
O: “Perhaps go back to investment banking. Make money. There is a lot to be said for behaving like a real capitalist. After all, Karl Marx would have been a lot happier if, instead of writing about Das Kapital, he had focused on accumulating some.”
C: “Do you plan to run again for the 2012 nomination? “
O: “Yes, of course. I believe in staying the course. It’s just that I need enough resources for my own surge.”
C: “Do you think you are up to the stress and strain of another campaign?”
O: “Oh, sure. Especially if I don’t have the pains in the side I had this time.”
C: “Pains? In the side?”
O: “You know, Senator McGain was a constant thorn in my left side, and Reverend Huggable managed to land a few blows on my right side.”
C: “So what makes you think it would be better for you in 2012?”
O: “Well, the Senator should be four years older by then, and less able to withstand the rigors of the campaign. Plus, he would have alienated even more people. As for the Reverend, one never knows when a scandal might erupt involving him.”
C: “What scandal? What do you know that my readers don’t?”
O: “Oh, I don’t know anything, but the odds are in favor of a scandal. Just look at some other well known preachers – like Merry Swagger; or, look at other former governors of Arkansas, who may or may not have had sex with ‘that woman’, depending on your definition - of sex, had, and woman.”
C: “Why do you think you failed to win big in the South, in spite of your conservative credentials?”
O: “It’s you guys in the chattering classes. You keep harping on my Moreman faith, and worked against me in the South – especially with the lesser men you find there in abundance. They recognized the Reverend as one of their own, the SOBs.”
C: “Excuse me!”
O: “You know, the people living South of Baltimore.”
C: “It surprised many of us that you didn’t seek the support of another prominent conservative, ex-Senator George Fallen in Virginia.”
O: “I sought it all right, and even found it, but it wasn’t what I expected it to be. Every time he tried to say ‘Mike Huggable’, it came out sounding too much like ‘Macaca’. So I said, ‘George, this isn’t good news.’ He replied, ‘Good noose? Did I ever tell you about the good noose I had in my office?’ Then I told him, ‘George, I know you really want to help me. So why don’t you campaign for one of the Democracks?’ But he couldn’t bring himself to do it; he has always been a Richbuttlican, as have I.”
C: “You really asked Senator Fallen to campaign for a Democrack? Why?”
O: “If you know George, you would appreciate how much his support can mean – to the opponent of anyone he supports. But, if by some chance, he helped to turn 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue into a Broad House or a Black House for the next four years, that would only set the stage for me to come storming back in 2012.”
C: “How do you propose to convince the Richbuttlican base that you are conservative enough and, at the same time, convince the independents that you are centrist enough?”
O: “Ed, you’re talking about appealing to the Middle. Exactly what McGain has done. Well, I believe in eliminating the Middle Man. So I would just explain the facts of life to our base.”
C: “You don’t mean the birds and the bees? Don’t they already know that stuff?”
O: Oh, sure. That’s why they have good reproductivity, even if their productivity is pretty low. What I mean is this – look, supporting Gay Marriage is a Pro Life position. Very few gay couples, unlike straight couples, go in for an abortion. I’m sure our base would support me once they understand that. Plus, my position helps to send more Democracks to hell.”
C: “I see. Actually, I don’t see.”
O: “Let’s take another issue – my faith. I will explain to people that I am nominally Moreman; but the real faith I practiced for many years, and now intend to practice for the next three years, is the Mammon faith. To turn this country around, we need to all worship Mammon instead of God – at least until we hit the age of Social Security eligibility. Then we should strictly worship God – because only He can save the Social Security fund.”
The day after Governor Meter Omni (All Things to All People, According to the Applause Meter) announced his withdrawal from contention for the Richbuttlican presidential nomination, your correspondent caught up with him. Actually, your correspondent ran into the former Governor at a Boston fish market.
Correspondent: “Fancy meeting you here, Governor!”
Omni: “Edwin Oldman! What brings you here, strictly speaking?”
C: “I came to get Scrod.”
O: “Ah, I know all about it. I got scrod last Tuesday.”
C: “You did?”
O: “Ha ha. I was talking about my disappointing showing on Mardi Grand.”
C: “Mardi Grand? Oh, Super Tuesday? Governor, I believe the French just call it Super Mardi”.
O: “Shows how little they know.”
C: “So, Governor, what are your plans now that you’re out of the running?”
O: “Well, Ed, you know I am a conservative. So, right now, I am working on conserving – what’s left of my capital. We have a free market and a free press, but darn it – our campaigns are far from free. I had to pay through the nose.”
C: “I mean, what are your plans until 2012?”
O: “Perhaps go back to investment banking. Make money. There is a lot to be said for behaving like a real capitalist. After all, Karl Marx would have been a lot happier if, instead of writing about Das Kapital, he had focused on accumulating some.”
C: “Do you plan to run again for the 2012 nomination? “
O: “Yes, of course. I believe in staying the course. It’s just that I need enough resources for my own surge.”
C: “Do you think you are up to the stress and strain of another campaign?”
O: “Oh, sure. Especially if I don’t have the pains in the side I had this time.”
C: “Pains? In the side?”
O: “You know, Senator McGain was a constant thorn in my left side, and Reverend Huggable managed to land a few blows on my right side.”
C: “So what makes you think it would be better for you in 2012?”
O: “Well, the Senator should be four years older by then, and less able to withstand the rigors of the campaign. Plus, he would have alienated even more people. As for the Reverend, one never knows when a scandal might erupt involving him.”
C: “What scandal? What do you know that my readers don’t?”
O: “Oh, I don’t know anything, but the odds are in favor of a scandal. Just look at some other well known preachers – like Merry Swagger; or, look at other former governors of Arkansas, who may or may not have had sex with ‘that woman’, depending on your definition - of sex, had, and woman.”
C: “Why do you think you failed to win big in the South, in spite of your conservative credentials?”
O: “It’s you guys in the chattering classes. You keep harping on my Moreman faith, and worked against me in the South – especially with the lesser men you find there in abundance. They recognized the Reverend as one of their own, the SOBs.”
C: “Excuse me!”
O: “You know, the people living South of Baltimore.”
C: “It surprised many of us that you didn’t seek the support of another prominent conservative, ex-Senator George Fallen in Virginia.”
O: “I sought it all right, and even found it, but it wasn’t what I expected it to be. Every time he tried to say ‘Mike Huggable’, it came out sounding too much like ‘Macaca’. So I said, ‘George, this isn’t good news.’ He replied, ‘Good noose? Did I ever tell you about the good noose I had in my office?’ Then I told him, ‘George, I know you really want to help me. So why don’t you campaign for one of the Democracks?’ But he couldn’t bring himself to do it; he has always been a Richbuttlican, as have I.”
C: “You really asked Senator Fallen to campaign for a Democrack? Why?”
O: “If you know George, you would appreciate how much his support can mean – to the opponent of anyone he supports. But, if by some chance, he helped to turn 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue into a Broad House or a Black House for the next four years, that would only set the stage for me to come storming back in 2012.”
C: “How do you propose to convince the Richbuttlican base that you are conservative enough and, at the same time, convince the independents that you are centrist enough?”
O: “Ed, you’re talking about appealing to the Middle. Exactly what McGain has done. Well, I believe in eliminating the Middle Man. So I would just explain the facts of life to our base.”
C: “You don’t mean the birds and the bees? Don’t they already know that stuff?”
O: Oh, sure. That’s why they have good reproductivity, even if their productivity is pretty low. What I mean is this – look, supporting Gay Marriage is a Pro Life position. Very few gay couples, unlike straight couples, go in for an abortion. I’m sure our base would support me once they understand that. Plus, my position helps to send more Democracks to hell.”
C: “I see. Actually, I don’t see.”
O: “Let’s take another issue – my faith. I will explain to people that I am nominally Moreman; but the real faith I practiced for many years, and now intend to practice for the next three years, is the Mammon faith. To turn this country around, we need to all worship Mammon instead of God – at least until we hit the age of Social Security eligibility. Then we should strictly worship God – because only He can save the Social Security fund.”
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Irrelevant Conservatives Can't Stop McCain
So Lush Dumbaugh is waging a campaign against Senator John McCain? Who is going to buy into this? Dumbaugh's opposition should be worth a few additional points for McCain when the votes are tallied tonight. Personally, I would be extremely skeptical of any candidate endorsed by a Big Fat Idiot.
John McCain is a proven patriot, with decades of public service and a strong appeal to voters across our political spectrum. On the other hand, who exactly is Lush Dumbaugh? A member of the Axis of Intolerance, along with Mean Mannity and Ass Falter. That Evil Troika will be the Axis of Irrelevance after Super Tuesday. After all, if you came across a coyote howling at the moon, wouldn't you be tempted to shoot the coyote and enjoy the moonlight?
Didn't Lush Dumbaugh support Fatrick Pukeannan against Bush the Elder? Who won that round? Fatrick Pukeannan? The rectum rectorum of American politics?
What exactly do these "conservatives" conserve? Here is my list.
They don't care about hard working, law abiding, tax paying, God fearing Americans losing their jobs, homes and health insurance because their economic and legal systems allow, may be encourage, fat cat robber barons add to their ill gotten gains by sending jobs overseas. They will say the government has no business interfering in the working of the free market. What they mean is that the government has no business impacting the fortunes of their contributors. Why not consider measures to discourage the loss of jobs - say, disallowing tax deductions for expenses associated with outsourced jobs? May be go a little further and actively levy a penalty on said expenses (e.g., salaries and other expenses incurred overseas) and/or double the tax rate on income derived from offshore operations? No, they cannot stomach such thoughts, for these "con men" are a lesser breed without compassion, or even a conscience. All they conserve is their subhuman stunted emotional maturity and their affinity to chimpanzees.
They don't care about the unemployed, the underemployed and formerly employed (see Outsourcing above) losing their health insurance, often in the face of health problems, and facing painful choices about caring for seriously ill family members. All other developed nations have a better health insurance policy in place; but our conservatives don't want any measures that would tend to inconvenience Big Pharma, Big Bad Insurance. All the chumpanzee conservatives are conserving are the pocketbooks of their cronies among the Thief Executive Officers who benefit from working people's misery.
They don't care about desperate men and women who flee war, pestilence, inhuman living conditions and undertake a life-threatening trek across dangerous terrain just to work at transient jobs in America for a minimum wage. Not that they are capable of really sealing our borders; they just want to go through the motions and, in the process, siphon humongous amounts of funds to their crony companies for building ineffective and inoperable systems at outrage prices. Why not allow our neighbors to come over and work here, filling jobs our people don't seem to want to do? Make it easy for them to work here legally and get them to pay income and social security taxes, thus helping our economy. If they don't want that, are they willing to put the squeeze on employers, who knowingly or uncaringly, employ illegal immigrants? No, that would be government interference in the free market.
While we are at it, why not make it easier for our retirees to live in Mexico and Central America, and visit their families and friends in CONUS as easily as the retirees now living in Florida and Arizona? Perhaps the lower cost of living in those countries would help to slow down the increase in Social Security payments and ease the crunch on its funds. Nah- that would be too humane. These guys have never cared an iota about anyone but themselves. All the chumpanzees can conserve is laissez faire idiocy.
The Axis of Intolerance can't stop Senator McCain's Straight Talk Express. It is going to ride right over them. If they don't like the effect, they can always move to Iran, Iraq or North Korea.
John McCain is a proven patriot, with decades of public service and a strong appeal to voters across our political spectrum. On the other hand, who exactly is Lush Dumbaugh? A member of the Axis of Intolerance, along with Mean Mannity and Ass Falter. That Evil Troika will be the Axis of Irrelevance after Super Tuesday. After all, if you came across a coyote howling at the moon, wouldn't you be tempted to shoot the coyote and enjoy the moonlight?
Didn't Lush Dumbaugh support Fatrick Pukeannan against Bush the Elder? Who won that round? Fatrick Pukeannan? The rectum rectorum of American politics?
What exactly do these "conservatives" conserve? Here is my list.
They don't care about hard working, law abiding, tax paying, God fearing Americans losing their jobs, homes and health insurance because their economic and legal systems allow, may be encourage, fat cat robber barons add to their ill gotten gains by sending jobs overseas. They will say the government has no business interfering in the working of the free market. What they mean is that the government has no business impacting the fortunes of their contributors. Why not consider measures to discourage the loss of jobs - say, disallowing tax deductions for expenses associated with outsourced jobs? May be go a little further and actively levy a penalty on said expenses (e.g., salaries and other expenses incurred overseas) and/or double the tax rate on income derived from offshore operations? No, they cannot stomach such thoughts, for these "con men" are a lesser breed without compassion, or even a conscience. All they conserve is their subhuman stunted emotional maturity and their affinity to chimpanzees.
They don't care about the unemployed, the underemployed and formerly employed (see Outsourcing above) losing their health insurance, often in the face of health problems, and facing painful choices about caring for seriously ill family members. All other developed nations have a better health insurance policy in place; but our conservatives don't want any measures that would tend to inconvenience Big Pharma, Big Bad Insurance. All the chumpanzee conservatives are conserving are the pocketbooks of their cronies among the Thief Executive Officers who benefit from working people's misery.
They don't care about desperate men and women who flee war, pestilence, inhuman living conditions and undertake a life-threatening trek across dangerous terrain just to work at transient jobs in America for a minimum wage. Not that they are capable of really sealing our borders; they just want to go through the motions and, in the process, siphon humongous amounts of funds to their crony companies for building ineffective and inoperable systems at outrage prices. Why not allow our neighbors to come over and work here, filling jobs our people don't seem to want to do? Make it easy for them to work here legally and get them to pay income and social security taxes, thus helping our economy. If they don't want that, are they willing to put the squeeze on employers, who knowingly or uncaringly, employ illegal immigrants? No, that would be government interference in the free market.
While we are at it, why not make it easier for our retirees to live in Mexico and Central America, and visit their families and friends in CONUS as easily as the retirees now living in Florida and Arizona? Perhaps the lower cost of living in those countries would help to slow down the increase in Social Security payments and ease the crunch on its funds. Nah- that would be too humane. These guys have never cared an iota about anyone but themselves. All the chumpanzees can conserve is laissez faire idiocy.
The Axis of Intolerance can't stop Senator McCain's Straight Talk Express. It is going to ride right over them. If they don't like the effect, they can always move to Iran, Iraq or North Korea.
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